Blows holes inside. They remind you of the past. Sort of like a bad memory of how you used to be. They force you to never forget, and make you realize what you did wrong, they become your single regret. It's worse when they lay on the floor for everyone to see. Could you imagine it? Someone walking in on your life, and seeing all the shells you have strolled on your floor? They greeting every guest, friend, family member screaming at them about you.

Or how about those joints you tried, if they were on the floor still lit from the last time you touched them. The beer bottles strolled around for all to see. Or maybe just your last low moment, there for everyone to see. Do we really have a right to complain? I mean, seriously, if we make a mistake no one really knows about it. (Excluding the people involved) But you still have a chance at redemption.

For the first time in about two years, I had a look at my past. I got to see how I USED to be.. And I hated it. I hate who I was. I hate when people change for the worse, but I don't feel like I did. I think I got a lot better from that being I claimed to be. Really anymore, I'm glad for a little disappointment, as long as I'm still me. Maybe a little optimism to my whining, but sometimes optimism isn't just denial.

One day to my birthday, and can't believe how much I'll miss my "childhood." I say that because I don't know if I ever really grew up. I still make the dumbest mistakes. I still ruin friendships, I still grow irritated of people for no reason, I'm still somewhat childish, and I still can't seem to get anything out of my mistakes. I feel like me turning sixteen tomorrow is horrible, that is because I don't have anything to show for my sixteen years.

Ah well. I'll miss you childhood, you left me out on that learning experience thing. I'll also grow tired of the person I was during your timeframe. Maybe later I'll get to catch up to you in the senile age, as a better human being.

Giving up on this journal,
- xTheColonelx